There were two big things Scott wanted for Melodie when he came home... a fish tank and her first experience at fourth fest / the 4th of july parade..
Now that Scott is gone, I feel like these two things need to be done. Its things like this that help me grieve. I feel like I'm doing something for HIM.
Today I accomplished the fish tank. I got rid of the 30 gallon fish tank that did nothing except collect junk from everything from coats, shoes, and random receipts. I ended up getting a 10 gallon fish tank with a nice stand and set it up in Scott's honor. A ten gallon tank is easier to maintain. I needed that considering I have to do everything else by myself, need to make the maintenance easy on myself. Now in a few days Melodie and I will go and pick out some fish.
When July 4th comes closer I will be getting with my cousin to have a 4th Fest in Scotts honor so Melodie has a chance to enjoy 4th fest like Scott would have wanted.
I've been going to the cemetery more than usual. Sometimes I go just to play him a song. I cant believe its almost been 3 months since the day that changed my life forever. I haven't been face to face with him in almost 9 months. Unfortunately that's what makes grieving easier. I do wish I had that one last chance to see his face. Give him a big kiss, a hug, call me hun bun, watch him dance to benny and the jets, and most importantly just to see that smile and those bright blue eyes.
On a brighter note, one of my best friends Alyssa.. her husband is coming home todayish. I'm so excited for her. She needs a break. I also am SUPER SUPER excited because there coming to visit me! I guess when your husband isn't coming home anymore the next best thing is to be excited for someone else. Of course I'm jealous because I haven't had that opportunity and never will, but I'm happy for them at the same time.
Well my house is still a mess and I'm the only one who can clean it. My daughter still needs a bath and all that other good stuff.
Until next time,
NN.
Ahhhh. I'm sobbing. Your amazing...no you're MORE then amazing. I love you. I adore you. I LOVE YOU... Did I say that already?
ReplyDeleteYou're excited for me. GAHH. How freaking strong and amazing are you? VERY.
I love the fish tank.
(I'm sure I'd love the fourthfest thingy If I knew what it was....knowing Scott, a bbq with corn on the grill and beer, and friends, and good laughs)
Anyways, I love the fish tank. I love that Scott told you about these things, and now you get to make them happen for the both of you.
Ahh I need to read the line about dancing to Benny and the Jetts again, so I can stop sobbing.
I love you. I know I mentioned that, but I really do. I'm so proud of you for being so strong and amazing for Yourself, AND FOR MEL AND FOR SCOTT. You're making him so proud, and your daughter will grow up to admire you for everything you do, and how well you handle yourself for her.
You're my hero. I mean it.