Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Woken bad dream

They mixed up social security numbers. Someone else had his same name with the different social.  He came home. He gave me a big kiss and hugged our daughter.  I was still asking myself who the man I burried was, It looked just like him.  I saw him laying there in the casket again.  I was so confused with numerous thoughts running through my head.

Then I woke up.

These are the types of dreams I have OVER and OVER and OVER again.  Even as bad as being the medic in battle and WATCHING him die.  I couldnt save him.

Why do I keep having these dreams.  When will they stop.  It's eating me up inside. I want to go to sleep so I see him, but I dont want to sleep to watch him die.

I feel crazy.  I feel ALONE..

NN - Numb Nagorski

1 comment:

  1. Even when you feel alone, you are NOT. There are so many people who love you and care about you soo much. And Scott will ALWAYS be with you.
    I promise these bad dreams are just a step in grieving. And when YOUR READY Scott will bring good dreams to you. Your soo strong, I promise this is just part of your healing. I'm always here, day and night...and I know you have tons of people who love you and are there for you! I miss you soo much! Keep strong, and keep your head up. <3 Your my inspiration.