They mixed up social security numbers. Someone else had his same name with the different social. He came home. He gave me a big kiss and hugged our daughter. I was still asking myself who the man I burried was, It looked just like him. I saw him laying there in the casket again. I was so confused with numerous thoughts running through my head.
Then I woke up.
These are the types of dreams I have OVER and OVER and OVER again. Even as bad as being the medic in battle and WATCHING him die. I couldnt save him.
Why do I keep having these dreams. When will they stop. It's eating me up inside. I want to go to sleep so I see him, but I dont want to sleep to watch him die.
I feel crazy. I feel ALONE..
NN - Numb Nagorski
MOTHER. WIDOW. When those words are put together they can be two very strong words. This is my journey through losing my special someone. My journey through coping, figuring myself out, and raising my daughter to know her father was a hero.
Even when you feel alone, you are NOT. There are so many people who love you and care about you soo much. And Scott will ALWAYS be with you.
ReplyDeleteI promise these bad dreams are just a step in grieving. And when YOUR READY Scott will bring good dreams to you. Your soo strong, I promise this is just part of your healing. I'm always here, day and night...and I know you have tons of people who love you and are there for you! I miss you soo much! Keep strong, and keep your head up. <3 Your my inspiration.